What do I do?

I really need to get this off my chest because it’s driving me nuts, and usually blogging helps that.

I’m very upset with myself for having a hissy fit, which is great, because this is just another example of the fact I can’t control my emotions.  I get mad at the internet, then I get mad at myself for getting mad at the internet, and then I get really depressed.  Great emotional control.   Which is supposedly normal for 18 year olds, according to Mefidex.  Nevermind the fact that when was the last time you saw somebody do this on IRC.  This is what bothers me.  Lines like Helepolis saying he thought I was 15/16 hurt, lines saying I’m internet entertainment like Toast really hurt, but what hurts the most is knowing everybody else deals with stress better than I do.  Because even if they are 15-18 year olds with poor emotional control, they sure have it a lot better than I do.  It’s sure as hell obvious to me that most 18 year olds don’t have the problem I do.

If you didn’t know, academically, I hold myself to very high standards.  I try very, very hard in school, get my word done actually in advance, and take mad pride in the fact that some days, like today, my professors compliment me.  So unfortunately, when it turns out I have worse emotional control than all of the people sitting on irc with me (keep in mind this is hundreds of people), some of them much younger than me, and they do, they have better emotional control, it hurts me.  I know I have anger issues, I’ve had this problem before, and I know I need to do something about it.  Which is fine and dandy when I’m not furious at something entirely irrelevant to anything involving my everyday life, but when I’m furious at dumb stuff on the internet, I can’t help it, and it’s embarassing as all hell for me.  It’s silly of me to get mad at myself for not being better than other people, but I do it anyways.

I hate being depressed.  I know I’m whining like I really am 15/16.  Sorry.  I don’t know what to do right now.


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