Archive for November, 2009

A little confused

November 12, 2009

I got a call from my oldest sister today.  Was totally unexpected, so I take it, and well, she didn’t sound good, so I ask what’s up, and it sounds like my neighbor’s dad died of the flu.  I’m a little confused right now.  I don’t really know how to feel.  I’m 400 miles away, but to think of his two daughters without a father is really sad, but at the same time, it’s not my family, so I’m not overly affected.  I’m still sad though.  It really does depress me to think they’re living without a father now.  Sad.

I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me, I just don’t want to clog irc with random depressive chat, and need to take this out somewhere as usual.  I just want to figure out how I should be feeling right now.

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Weird dream

November 5, 2009

So I took a nap today and I had an absolutely bizzare dream during it.  Sorry, this is a dream entry D:

So it starts out with me watching something on youtube.  It turns out it’s a surreal piece in two parts.  The first part is as this (In the dream, it was like I was experiencing this)

I am standing outside of some fast food place, looking off into the distance, where there is a car, some trees, and some people, I’m using binoculars or something.  Suddenly they start shooting at the car, which is in the same direction as me, so I start running off to the right and suddenly there is a crowd of people walking towards me, all guys in black suits with hats, looking down, completely ignoring the gunshots and the fact I’m there.  This is totally bizzare.

In the second part, I am at my house, and something knocks on the door, and I open it, and it’s some creature sort of like a human sized version of the Hulk, which leads to an odd chase around the house.  At some point I somehow end up on the roof without anyway down.  At this point I’m just sitting there wondering what to do, and the movie ends there.

Short little segments, but man, it was weird.

Later in the dream, I’m going to one of my dance club meetings, except it’s at something resembling my high school.  I climb the hill to get into the parking lot of my high school, with my older sister and some of her friends.  At one end of the parking lot, which we need to go through to get to the school, there’s a large hill, which normally isn’t there.  So I am walking up it with her friends when suddenly my sister comes by in like a one person taxi thing, totally making us all go “where did that come from.”  So when we get to the building, we have to go through like some track and field gym where there is a lot of stuff from pole vaults set up.  I touch the pole and somebody yells at me, so I move on.  When I get to the dance room… it’s like, a bedroom or something.  There’s a pretty big (carpeted) floor section, and then a loft bed, but we were all on the loft bed just chilling, not dancing.  Eventually we leave and somebody hits me with their shoe and grabs my shoes and refuses to give them back.  I think I might’ve hit him at some point for ??? reason.  That hurt D:

That’s all I remember.  Ridiculously surreal.

Why do I love music so much?

November 4, 2009

This has quite been on my mind recently, so I’m happy to be able to finally put some of this down into words.

Tonight I realized I love reading short stories because of the images they produce.  Kelvin once produced a wonderful image for me through a short story he wrote, and though he says the piece wasn’t good, I say it was great, because in my eyes, I read it to get that sort of an image, and that was the result.

This got me thinking about music, because recently I’ve been getting particuarily… lost in music.  You know, when hours just suddenly pass by because you had a single song on loop.  I’m starting to understand that feeling of being lost.  It’s quite a parallel to the getting lost in a story.  Though it may not be a direct image that the music gives me, in many cases it isn’t, what I get is a wonderful bliss.  A total loss of any sort of a worry or care.  I can be in this state for hours, and it’s wonderful.  Nothing but music filling my head.

I don’t think I realized it at first, but that is what I love most.  That is almost definitely why I love music.  The ability to be so completely surrounded by sound and have it fill me completely.  I’m reminded of this time I was at a dance during waltz lessons.  Everybody else was partnered up, so I sat out, and listened to the music, as I love waltzes.  The Waltz of Flowers started to play.  I might as well have been unconscious, because unless you had punched me, I don’t think I would have noticed you talking to me.  I had my head waving back and forth, my left index finger was conducting, and I was in bliss.  I want to reproduce that, but unfortunately, my compter speakers cannot reproduce that feeling of being surrounded by music I felt there.

So why can music do this?  It’s quite a question.  Why do some pieces totally swallow me while others can’t?  Well, I’m working on this.  I think there’s a few reasons though.  First off, sound is alwys around you.  Whether you notice or not, there are all sorts of sounds around at all times, possibly even music.  Somehow, when I go out of my way to listen, it’s very easy to get sucked in.  I have this thing for “appreciating things you normally ignore,” it’s sort of an odd pleasure of mine.  I think this is part of it.  Sure, you could hear some music in a car that drives by, or you could sit down and just put some Tchaikovsky playing.  Which one is going to swallow me, I wonder.  This is probably the first reason I love music.  It’s just something that… when you notice it, it’s really there.

#2 is subjective, unfortunately, and it’s also one word: Beauty.  I once was listening to Chopin’s Fantasie Impomptu and was asked “Why do you like this piece, all I hear is fast piano.”  Now, I couldn’t give a good response then, because I was freaking speechless.  Because that piece leaves me speechless.  Well, now I’ll simply say “because it’s beautiful.”  And damnit, I’ll even try to explain what makes it beautiful.  It’s almost like trying to climb a slope and constantly sliding down.  The way the piano runs in the main phrase of the piece work remind me of that.  Somebody trying so desperately and failing every single time.  It’s almost pitable, but that’s not the emotion this piece is trying to provoke.  Instead, I’m more left in awe in their sheer desire after so many failures to still get up.  In the middle, there is a slower portion that is nothing but tranquility.  Take this as an insight as to the reason this person is trying so hard.  I don’t know what it is, but his motivation is so solid it can be something this tranquil.  In the final phrase of the piece, it’s quite tragic, I think it represents a total failure, but in the end, there is a glimmer of hope, I think this is sort of a “lesson learned” from the experience or something.  It’s still not a good image to hold onto to justify the beauty of this piece, but I think it begins to get it.

But through the way I can get lost in music and how beautiful music can be, I think I have found why music costs me an hour of sleep regularily.  It’s so much fun ❤

Halloween

November 1, 2009

Forgive me, I’ve rambled about this a lot, but I had a lot of fun, so I shall blog my night so I will never forget <3.

Started out at around 3, where my roommate had bugged a girl about curling my hair, and she came to curl it.  Took about 40 minutes, worked out decently well.  http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v514/Benny1/halloween/100_0106.jpg is the picture.  Ate dinner, then got dressed up.  http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v514/Benny1/halloween/100_0110.jpg says it all.

Ran down to get a ride around 6:20, got there and just chatted with the people already there.  Spun some, gave some people little dance routines, and practiced moonwalking.  Eventually it was time for tango lessons, that went really well actually.  I figured out a lot about why the frame is important and though I had trouble with a move I didn’t get quite right, eventually i got that and I was doing pretty well.  Yay.

After that was dinner.  Was mad awesome, some chicken + like peanut sauce pasta or something, it was so good.  Head upstairs, and the band starts playing, and lo and behold, the first song was a great song for some lindy hop, so I got to lindy hop a song ❤

Pretty much spent the rest of the night dancing, helped with dishes a little at some point, and the night passed pretty quick, until the costume contest.  I had been practicing moonwalking the entire night, and I had sort of gotten it, but when I “strut my stuff,” as they said, I walk up, build up courage for a second (I had some shame at that point), start singing the chorus from Thriller, spin, and do a crotch grab.  After walking back, some people complain that I didn’t moonwalk, and they had seen me practicing, so I go out again and try to moonwalk.  Everybody was pretty happy with it, so it must’ve looked decent.  After all that was done (I lost to Michael Phelps and that main character from Avatar), I was on door watching duty, the guy who was doing dance lessons was leaving and said it was a nice moonwalk, so man, I don’t care, I got complimented by a dance instructor on my moonwalk.  This has been an awesome night, but I have no shame anymore.  Oh well.

I’m just reallllly happy :3